I remember when our oldest son was a toddler, I would watch him as he would run non-stop around the house and wonder, “What will he be like when he grows up?” It was hard to imagine him as a teenager or an adult. I think every parent can relate to that feeling in one way or another, but it is different for autism families. While every child is unique, with typically developing children, there is a bit more predictability as to what a child will be like as he or she ages: the terrible twos, the sweetness of the pre-school years, the sassiness of the pre-teen years, the angst of adolescence, and the increased independence as they finish high school and embark on the journey of adulthood. A lot of the typical child development theories didn’t apply to our boy. Our son was forging his own path, and there was no book to turn to, as his development was largely unique to him alone.

It isn’t as if our world changed the day of our son’s diagnosis. The minute that our precious boy came into the world, he was himself. He didn’t engage with his environment the way that other babies did. He was also easily startled and more sensitive to everything around him, and it didn’t take long for us to realize that routine would be the key to helping him be a happy baby. Once he learned to run, there was no stopping him; he was like a wind-up toy going in a straight line until he encountered an obstacle. I would chase after the little boy with boundless energy and wonder, will he always run like this? Will he ever slow down? Will he ever say, “I love you?”

When my oldest was nearly three, we welcomed our second child into the family, also a boy. It wasn’t long before we found we were raising two autistic sons. With my second son, I had the same wonder as with the first. I couldn’t use the “parenting handbook” I had developed from raising my first son, and I felt like I was starting again from scratch. With raising two autistic sons, I had double the worries, but also double the joy as they each grew into themselves and slowly became the young men they were meant to be.

Our boys’ early years were busy years for our family. In all honesty, they were stressful, and I often felt alone. I worried a lot about their futures, and I felt that every minute was precious and important. The boys had speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, music therapy, habilitation, medical specialist visits, and preschool starting at age three. Our home had reward charts, visual schedules, and daily routines, even on weekends and holidays. We struggled to establish good sleep habits, and even so, it was years before the boys both slept through the night. We used social stories and went on outings that sometimes went okay, and sometimes did not.

Milestones were met in their own way, in their own time. Little shoes by the front door became big shoes, little voices became deep voices, baby faces became bearded, and my on-the-go boys became teenagers who preferred hanging out in their rooms and playing video games. I have loved my boys at every stage, but I must say that the teenage years have been my favorite so far on this autism parenting journey. Instead of looking at my sons with wonder, I often look at them in amazement. They have worked so hard and have grown so much. I couldn’t be a prouder mom.

This past May, my first little boy who wouldn’t stop running graduated high school. He is all grown up, but sometimes I can still catch a glimpse of the little boy who captured my heart. When I look at him now, I think to myself that it was obvious that this is the man he would be. 

I often reflect on the days when the boys were small and how much stress and worry that I felt when thinking about the future. I can’t go back and let my younger self know that it will all be okay, but I can support other families who are just starting out on this wonderful and unpredictable journey. Other autism families understand the joys and challenges of parenting better than family members often do. If you are an experienced parent, reach out to other autism parents. Lend a sympathetic ear, lift them up, and support and encourage them. Be the person that you wish you had in your life when you were new to the world of autism. These are our people, and this is our community. And as I have found through the years, autism families are the best families.